Oblivious, you’ve taken control once again, oblivious. You’ve twisted my head. Like a thief in the night, you crawl, and you creep, like a drug. You flow through my veins. You are my poison, the hands at my throat, you are mockery, and you never think twice. You are like candy, in the face of a child. You’re a cold and turbulent tide. You against my body. You inside of my mind. You were holding something tightly; it must have been my life. Bound and chained in this desert of pain, addicted and I’m back for more. Obsessive trips from the brush of your lips, enslave me, assume, and destroy. Blow wind blow. So foggy and cold, twist my arm, place a chill in my heart. I welcome you back through the hole in my head to the place where we break beauty down. You against my body. You inside of my mind. You were holding something tightly; It must have been my life. You against my body. Your grip on my world. You against my body, your touch moves me so. Burning bright reality tends to make my life so dim. To hide the truth, we must add mood lighting. Each man kills the thing he loves. Blow wind blow. So foggy and cold. Twist my arm, place a chill in my heart. I welcome you back through the hole in my head, to the place we break beauty down. You against my body. You inside of my mind. You were holding something tightly. It must have been my soul. You against my body. Your grip on my world. You against my body, your touch, it moves me so. Don’t leave. I can’t breathe without you. Your touch moves me so.

words by j. wilson

photograph by ketut subiyanto

Lady Joan was once a vision. But now she’s make believe. She is weak in the blink of an eye. A spotlight on an empty stage. Lady Joan is fading. She was once a vision of loveliness, but she’s going under, going gone. Her lights are out, her curtains drawn. Lady Joan sleeps protected by thorns. Daddy’s coming from down the hall. Again and again and again. Daddy ain’t knocking. He slips silently in. Again and again and again. She feels him now, like she felt him then. Again and again and again. Medication for sedation. She curls up in a ball. I hope she’s safe and sound. Locked deep in her underground, safe behind her soundproof walls. Her longest days aren’t over, yet they’ve only just begun. Lady Joan’s become a prop. A toy collecting dust. Sitting alone, weaving herself into fiction. Daddy’s coming from down the hall. Again and again and again. Daddy ain’t knocking. He slips silently in. Again and again and again. She feels him now, like she felt him then. Again and again and again. She wants to come back. She wants to breathe. She’s searching for something that’s concrete in her head. She wants to come back. She wants to breathe. She’s searching for something that’s concrete in her head. She was once a vision. But now she’s make believe. Going under. Going gone. Her lights are out. Her curtains drawn. Lady Joan waltzes in moments of sorrow. In a childhood mirror. She looks in and sees her past. Once the fairest flower. She sees the petals that he scattered. Daddy loved her. He loved her, not.

words by j. wilson

Between Heaven and Hell bred deception. Between Heaven and Hell rose a queen. Between Heaven and Hell, they named her the Queen of Joy and Despair. She rules with a smile that she paints on her face. A smile drawn from ear to ear. She rules from her code book of distance. She rules us with smoke and with mirrors. Her fingers she keeps crossed double time. White knuckled for sweet, sweet revenge. The Queen of Denial, the queen and her smile, the queen must be losing her mind. Lady O’ lady, so charming. Lady O’ sweeter than life. Lady O’ breaker of spirits. Lady O’ stabber of backs. Between Heaven and Hell, bred deception. Between Heaven and Hell rose a queen. Between Heaven and Hell, they named her the Queen of Joy and Despair. Don’t think you can soothe her seething. Her warpath, her vengeance. Her rage. She masks it with love and affection. What a marvelous web she doth weave. She is fleshy and soft, just like a painting. She’s bursting like a big red balloon. She’s full of hot air, just like a dragon. She lays herself on ice to keep cool. Lady O’ lady, so charming. Lady O’ sweeter than life. Lady O’ breaker of spirits. Lady O’ stabber of backs. Lady O’ lady come and cross me. Lady for old time’s sake. Lady O’ lady so charming. Lady, I want you to know. The Queen of Denial is laughing. But it is only a brilliant disguise. The Queen of Denial is losing her grip. And it really turns me on.

Let me introduce myself. Present you with my card. You’ll notice the cross that I’m baring. You’ll notice my bleeding heart. The weight of your world delights me. I’ve got misery in my brain. Get down on your knees and repeat after me. Only a miracle could ease your pain. I am your saint of shame. I am the king of pain. And I will relieve you. I am the saint of shame. I am the king of pain. Burn a candle in my name. I am the King of Martyrdom. I love to embrace life’s chemical waste and getting trapped in revolving doors. Oh, to be hung for something you’ve done. To be crushed out like a cigarette. I am your saint of shame. I am the king of pain, and I will relieve you. I am the saint of shame. I am the king of pain. Burn a candle in my name. You’ve got to glorify, idolize, celebrate, give thanks. For I am the holy king of kings. You’ve got to glorify, idolize, celebrate, give thanks. Your torture, I will claim, as my own. I’m akin to bleeding, so tear me limb from limb. I am your revival. I’m your resurrection. I am the answer to your prayers. You’re in seventh heaven now that I’m here. I am your saint of shame. I am the king of pain. And I will relieve you. I am your saint of shame. I am the king of pain. Burn a candle in my name. You’ve got to glorify, idolize, celebrate, give thanks. Your torture, I will claim, as my own. You’ve got to glorify, idolize, celebrate, give thanks. Your torture, I will claim, as my own. I need my fix for tragedy. It gets me through the night. I’m bleeding for you. I prefer to suffer for you. I am the healer to all your scars.

words by j. wilson

I remember being human. I remember the touch of my mom. I remember the times she’d hold me and told me I wasn’t all bad. I remember being human. I remember the feel of the sun. I remember you and I were young lovers, all colors and textures and warmth. Do you remember the first time I kissed you? Do you remember the evils we shared? Do you remember my biting aggression? I could not kiss you without leaving my mark. We are lovers for always, lips warm and red, just like wine. We are lovers for always, in the delicious taste of night. I remember being human. Thin flesh, our only shield. I remember the world cold and screaming, so sleek in its perilous notes. I remember the night so distinctly. Biting away all human ties. I remember we danced in the frozen air, and the heavens of stairways we climbed. Do you remember the first time I kissed you? Innocent angel unmarked open arms. Do you remember just what it felt like? When I took you, flesh, and bone. We are lovers for always. Lips warm and red, just like wine. We are lovers forever. In the delicious taste of night. We are lovers for always. Lips warm and red, just like wine. We are lovers forever. In the delicious taste of night.

j. wilson