Am I as I’ve always been? Or am I as I seem? Am I all or nothing? Is nothing all I am? Why do I do what I’ve already done? When before I said never again, am I all or nothing? Or is nothing all I am? It doesn’t matter how they see me. It doesn’t matter what they think. It doesn’t matter if they kill me. It doesn’t matter if I sink. Everything’s gonna be perfect. Everything’s gonna be fine. Everything’s coming up roses. Everything’s gonna be mine. Am I as I’ve always been? A smokescreen for a face. Are there signs of clearing up? The traffic in my head. Why must I be what they tell me to be? When they tell me to be such a fool, why can’t I be what I wanted? Why don’t I know what that is? It doesn’t matter how they see me. It doesn’t matter what they think. It doesn’t matter if they kill me. It doesn’t matter if I sink. Everything’s gonna be perfect. Everything’s gonna be fine. Everything’s coming up roses. Everything’s gonna be mine. Why do I do what I’ve already done? When before I said never again, Am I all or nothing? Is nothing all I am? Yes, no, maybe so. Yes, no, maybe. Yes, no, I don’t know. If I am, if I ever. Everything’s gonna be perfect. Everything’s gonna be fine. Everything’s coming up roses. Everything’s gonna be mine.

words by j. wilson